Hetalia: Tour Of America
by FishCakeIce
Summary: A:Yo! Welcome to Mine and England's tour of America! E: You Twat! "England and my's!" A:But that makes me sound unimportant! TT-TT E: Don't be so conceited! *to group* I'm sorry, he hasn't had his nap yet today. A:I'm not a child, England! TT-TT Really? Because you're bawling like one. / This is eventually going to be a USUK but it isn't quite there yet. This is mostly humor.
1. Washington DC

"So why are we doing this again?" England said tiredly as I picked him up from the airport.

"I told you. I want to take you on a tour of my national monuments and sightseeing places." I said.

"Okay then. Where are we going first?" he asked.

"Well we're in Washington D.C. so I figured we'd take a tour of the memorials first." I explained.  
"Ok America." he said.  
I puled up to the Lincoln Memeorial. "I know you have je lag but we're going to walk around a little." I said, opening his door.  
" Okay that's fine. I like walking around after a long plane ride." I stared at him.  
"You are so wierd." I said.  
As soon as we got out of the car, black body gaurds surrounded us. "America, sir." They said.  
"I don't need you guys. I'm touring my own capitol. Besides, I got England." I smiled and slung my arm over his shoulder, giving a thumbs-up.

"We were asked to protect Mr. England as wel." they said.  
"I'm with America, whom I raised and I'm in his own capitol. I'm perfectly safe." he insisted.  
"Plus do you guys plan on ruining our date?" I added.  
"Our what?" He ooked at me, shocked.  
"You didn't knwo that was why I invited you out here?" I asked.

"N-no!" he stammered.

The big men seemed to get really uncomfortable. "Fine but we'll be responsible if anything happens." They argued.  
"Don't worry. I'll watch over them." A smooth female voice said from behind the gaurds. A sleek woman with long black hair walked up to me.

"Yo! Maddy!" I said.  
"That's not my name." she replied, with a glare. "And it's AGENT."  
"Cmon. If I didn't exist, neither would the country. I am the country... Or something like that. Why can't I get special treatment? And you just look like a Maddy." I pouted.

"My name is Agent." she said.

"Yeah well I call you Maddy and England's going to do the same." I sad, pointing at him.  
Maddy turned to him, looking him up and down. "So this is the esteemed England you had so many fights with?" she said. "He doesn't look like much."

"Now Maddy. Without him, I would've been overrun and taken over by France. Besides, they were all resolved."

"Plus my place is quite great." he added.

"Whatever." Maddy said. "Let's get this show on the road." She started walking toward the Lincoln Memorial.

I smiled at England. "Let's go."

Englan's face as he walked in was amazed. "Why did they build something so big for a dead person?" he said.  
"He was one of my superiors." I said. "He solved my battle of slavery."

"Oh." England replied.

"Ready to move on?" I asked.

"Yeah. Sure."

We walked in the shade along the reflecting pool and turned onto a trail of statues walking though the underbrush and a wall reflecting them.

"What is this for?" England asked.  
"This is honoring the people who died in the Korean War." I replied.

"Korea would be pissed if he saw you weren't honoring Koreans as well." he said.  
"Yeah I know. So would Vietnam." I pointed to a black wall with names carved in them. "That's everyone that died in the war."

"Wow. You need to stop getting into wars." he said.

"It's so ironic that you would say that. And you have to talk to my superior before that happens." I said.

We walked to the WW2 Memorial.

"This is impressive." England said. "You have so much dedicated to the sorrow you've experienced."

I laughed. "Only you would say sorrow anymore. And just wait. We haven't even started."  
"I was trying to have a serious moment!" he said, and playfully punched me on the shoulder, laughing.

We walked to the next memorial.

"Looks like a giant toothpick." He said.

"Don't say that about the memorial to my first superior!" I said. I put my hand over my heart and formed another one with my hands to the memorial. "Love ya Washington." I said.

England watched from afar. "Was I really that bad?"he said.

"Your taxes were unnecesary, there was no freedom and my people were unhappy, so yes." I said. England frowned. "But for your first time raising someone, I didn't turn out half bad." I grinned. We smiled and laughed. We clapped eachother on the back and stood there laughing a while.

"Seems like you two are having fun." Maddy said.

"Very." I wiped an eye. Noticing that everyone had backed up a few feet I said "Maddy, you should get rid of the gun. You're scaring the citizens."

"Gun?" England said, jus noticing the holster on her hip.

"Mommy? Is that woman a terrorist?" a little girl said. The mom and I laughed. I ruffled her hair.

"Actually that woman protects us and is very nice." I told her.

She smiled. "I'm going to grow up to protect my country like she does."

"Now little one. Think of all the sadness that protectors and their family have to go through. You have people that will miss you when you're gone." I said.

The girl thought. "Then I'll help my country in another way!" She said, excited.  
"There ya go!" I said and stood up.

"Thank you, Mr. America." The mom said.

"Please, call me America." I said.

She nodded and walked away, the little girl shouting, "I love America!"

"I love you too!" I shouted after her. She turned and waved, then ran after her mom. "You see? You're scaring the children! Put it away."  
"But-" she protested.

"Put it away. I don't care if you have it, just put it somewhere people can't see it." I said.

"I can shove it up your monuments." she said, putting it in her jacket.  
"Too uncomfortable." I said. England stifled a laugh. "What?" I said.  
"Nothing. You just have full loyalty of your people." he said. Maddy smiled.  
"Anyways, off to the next stop!" I said.

We got back in the car and drove out of D.C. and to New York.

* * *


	2. Ney York, New York

"We're going to start with the city tours." I said, as I pulled onto Broadway.

"This is New York?" England asked, looking at the buildings, owering over everybody.

"Yeah. We're going to see a Broadway play, the best I have to offer." I replied.

"What're we seeing?" he asked.

"'Pippin' It's set in England so I thought we could make a conection in some way." I said.

"Oh. Okay. Is it good?"

"Yeah. I know the cast personally. I was hoping we could meet with the cast beforehand. We're going in to say good luck. Also a lot of them really want to meet you." I said.

England blushed a little. "Why would they want to meet me?" He asked.

"Oh. Apparently I talk about you a lot." I said. He blushed even deeper.

"So what kind of play is it?" he asked.

"Musical comedy." I replied.

"Oh. As long as they don't say 'MacBeth'" He said, laughing at his own poor humor.

"Mac- what? I don't get British humor." I said.

"It's a play by one of my play wrights, William Shakespeare. It's supposed to be bad luck to say it the night o a play." he explained.

"Oh. Ok. I've heard of Shakespeare, but I was never really one for the classical stuff. I need a good comedy." I said.

"Stephen Shwartz isn't bad either. This is pretty classical." Maddy said from the back seat.

"Oh Maddy. I wasn't planning on yuo coming, so you don't have a ticket." I said.

"That's fine. Security doesn't need one."

"Nonsense. You're a companion, not security. Therefore, you can't come in with us." I said.

"Lincoln was assasinated in a theater." she reminded me.

"Yeah but I'm not Lincoln. I said. Anyway we're here so we don't have any time to discuss it. Stay here Maddy." I odered, getting out of the car and opening England's door for him. She started to protest but I hut our doors and went through backstage. She still followed us, getting out of the car just before I locked the doors.

I walked up to Austin, who played the main character, Pippin. "Yo, Austin!" I called.

"Hey! America!" he said. "I was wondering when you were going to get here!" He hugged me, nearly squeezing me to death.

"I'd never skip out on you." I said between gasps of air. "Hey this is England." I introduced him.

"Hey man!" Austin said. England tried to shake his hand,but Austin hugged him instead. "You're seeing the show, right?" Austin said.

"Of course." England replied.

"I'm going to introduce him to the rest of the people, y know, Nick and Cody and Theresa, and everyone." I said.

"Go ahead. I was getting bored of you anyways." Austin smiled, and left us to go get ready.

"You seem to be good friends." Enlgand said, once Austin was out of earshot.

"Yeah. I see all of his shows. He's 19 and goes to acting school here in New York. He's also the gayest man I've ever met." I said, and laughed.

"Gayer than you?" England said, smirking.

"_Cody's_ gayer than I am." I said.

"Who's Cody?" England asked.

"This boy right here." I said and called Cody over. A thirteen year old boy walked over, wearing an orange dogtag with the equality sign on it. "Hey Cody. This is my friend, England. I wanted to introduce him to everybody." I said.

"Oh, hi!" He said, spurting out a quick greeting to England. "You're gonna love the show, Merry."

"I bet I am." I said.

"Yo! Theresa! Come meet England!" he called over to a woman with almost exactly thesame hair color as himself.

"Hey America." she said, hugging him. "You must be England." she said, shaking his hand.

"No, I'm England." Cody said, in an English accent.

"How do you?" Theresa said, mimmicking his accent and sticking out her hand.

"Very well, mate. You?" Cody said, shaking her hand.

"Couldn't be better mate." Theresa said.

"Very convincing. I could've sworn you were the real England. Made me quetion who I am." England said, patting Cody on the head.

"Well, I'm on Broadway at suck a young age for a a reason." Cody replied.

"Well, good luck." I said, and we walked away

"Bye!" they exclaimed and waved, walking away to go get ready for the play.

"Merry?" England asked.

"Shut up." I replied. "He's like we were except he's not a country. Though he does seem to have kind of a tight relationship with Russia and Japan... Next I'm going to introduce you to Nick." I looked around. "If I can find him."

He suddenly appeared right in front of my face. "Hey man." He said. England stumbled backwards but I was used to him popping out of no where. England seemed to regain himself and didn't press any questions about it.

"Hey!" I said, smiling.

"So you must be England." He said, looking at guess who? England.

"How'd you know?" England spluttered, obviously still not composed enough to form a worthy sentence.

"He talks about you a lot on our dates." Nick said, pointing at me. Then he laughed at the shocked expression on Englad's face. "I'm just kidding. I live to make trouble for this guy. We laughed for a while and the Nick mentioned, "Ime for the group huddle. You guys should go get in your seats."

"Kay! See you later!" I said, and ran off, dragging England behind me.

After the play, I drove out to Times Square. As he got out of the car, he shouted, "It's brighter than daylight!"

"I know. That's one of the reasons I really like New York. It never sleeps." I said, pulling my hands up to intertwine behind my head. "So how abouts we get some burgers and then go to our hotel?" I pointed to a McDonald's at one corner of the square. England nodded and followed me through the door. I oredered three burgers, fries, and three shakes and sat down a second later with our food. I scarfed mine down and watched as he daintily ate his. He didn't get any fries because I scarfed those as well. I got bored watching him eat so I told him to roll the rest up and we got back in the car, and headed to our hotel. When I got in, I handed a hamburger and a shake to Maddy in the backseat. Or tried to. She was fast asleep and therefor couldn't hold anything so i put them in my front cup holders.

When we got to the hotel, I had to wake Maddy up, and she groggily walked upstairs to our hotel room. She collapsed on the couch and together England and I changed into our PJs, which was a muscle shirt and boxers for me, and for him, flannel pants and pj shirt. It was quite a sight, the two of us, so different from eachother, brushing our teeth next to eachother. We got in the two queen beds and swiftly fell asleep.

* * *

**And so ends our New York chapter, the first night. If you have anywhere in America that you want me to visit, tell me, and a quick description. I was thnking of going the Gettysburg, or something, slowly making my way across to the East Coast. Just tell me a place and I'll visit it.**


	3. Martha's Vineyard, Maine part 1

"Ugh. I'm so tired of being in a car." I complained, adjusing my butt on he seat so that it didn't hurt anymore. I failied. "My butt hurts and I can't sleep."

"Why don't you pull over and I'll drive?" England suggested.

"But I don't like the way you drive." I mumbled.

"WHAT WAS THAT YOU TWIT?!" He yelled.

"I said I'd barely get any sleep anyways. We're almost to where we're going." Perfect excuse.

"Hmph." He crossed his arms and legs and looked away from me, just like he always did when he was pouting. You know, even though he was older than me, he could be such a child sometimes. I laughed at the annoyed look on his face.

"What's so funny?!" He angrily turned towards me.

"Nothing, just you're so funny when you're annoyed."

The hard look on his face softened and then hardened again. "Shu up you bloody idiot!"

I laughed again. "Calm down, Iggy. You'll scare everybody away if you always have a scowl on your face. Let's eat." I leaned out of the window as I pulled into a McDonald's drive through to order. "What do you want?" I asked.

"You're going to grow fat if you keep eating like this."

I pouted. "I'm not fat. Now what do you want?"

"You were so cute when you were younger, always 'England, England, England.'" He slipped away into the past.

"Fine, I'm ordering for you then."

_"Welcome o McDonald's. How can I help you?"_ Echoed out of the speaker.

"I'll have five burgers, a large coke, two large fries, and a 12 piece chicken nugget. Oh! And two apple pies and an icecream please."

_"Is that all for today?"_

Suddenly, England's stomach growled. I sighed. "Add a chicken nugget kid's meal to that, please."

_"Thank you. That's $20.78. Please pull forward."  
_  
As I pulled out of the drive through with my food, i ripped open a ketchup packet with my teeth and sprayed it all over my frech fries while balancing my drink in my oher hand, which was also holding the steering wheel. Already by my side was an empty box of chicken nuggets and an ice cream cone wrapper. I set my ketchuped fries on my lap and shoved Iggy's happy meal at him. He came out of his pout for a few minutes to look at me with a confused expression. "Here, this is for you." I babbled, a straw in my mouth. Slowly, he took it and looked inside. "Eat your food before you play with the toy." I scolded.

He looked at me annoyed again. "I'm not a child, America."

"You're hungry and I know you have the stomach of a child." I grinned at him. "You wouldn't have been able to eat a burger."

"Arse." He muttered. "Hey, you got something other than cheeseburgers this tome."

"I wanted to try somehing new." Arthur threw the kid's meal in the back seat and grabbed one of my hamburgers. "Hey! That's mine. I got you food." I growled at him.

"I've decided I'm having this instead." He unwrapped it and took a bite.

I sighed again. "Fine." I tossed another wrapper to the side.

"Fattarse."

I stuck out my bottom lip. "I just have a high metabolism is all."

"No, you're fat." He squished my stomach and it rumbled.

"I'm still hungry." I whined. I eyed the burger Iggy had in his hand and grabbed his hand, pulling the burger up to my mouth.

"A- America!" he shouted.

"Juf lgh meh afe itfh." I grumbled, it already half way in my mouth.

"No! I'm hungry!" He tried to wrestle it from my grip but instead I grabbed his hand and pulled the burger from his hand with my mouth. Through all of this, I was struggling to keep my eyes on the road and we almost crashed a few times. Iggy freaked out.

He gave up and sat back in his seat, sighing. "At least let me hold it for you."

"You saying you want to feed me?" I smirked.

A slight blush krept on his face but he kept his annoyed, flabbergasted look on his face that told me I was acting childish. I don't care. It's who I am. "Yeah, sure." He took the burger from my mouth as I took another bite. I tried to take another bit but the burger was too far away from my mouth. I grabbed his hand and pulled it closer towards me. "Arhur, keep he burger close to my mouth." He froze. "What'd I say?"

"Nothing, just you haven't called me Arthur since before.. you know.." A pained expression filled his face. Wow, he has a lot of expressions. It's like.. he's an expressionist or something. Sorry, serious talk. Right. -_-"

I leaned back in my seat and kept driving. "Right..." An awkward silence filled the car.

After a while Iggy said "I'm sorry for everything I did. I was busy, and unfair and-"

"Arthur, it's fine." I smiled at him. "'Cuz we care about each other, right?"

His shocked expression slowly turned happy and a soft smile played on his lips. "Right." he nodded.

"Hey, love birds, that's kind of sickening." We both froze.

"Huh?" I asked, looking in the rearview mirror. I saw a woman with dark eyes and hair staring at me. Her hair was perfect. "Maddy? I forgot you were back there! How is your hair perfect when you've been sleeping in the backseat all day?"

"I'm amazing." she replied. Then her voice grew annoyed. "Now, who woke me up?" England and I exchanged a confused look. he held up England's happy meal. "Whose? Explain."

I lauhed out loud. "That would be all Arthur's fault!"

He gasped a me. "Huh? You bought it! It's yours!"

"Yeah, but you threw it. Who's the immature one now?" I looked over to see him balling himself in the corner of the seat, as far away from me as possible with his bottom lip stuck out and his cheeks a pale pink. I laughed again.

"Shut up." He said, looking out of the window.

**

"Here, we're finally here."

"I just want to get out of the car for the rest of my life." Iggy mumbled, slowly waking up, more on the asleep side. I chuckled.

"C'mon." I got out of the car and picked Iggy up princess style. "Hey, get our backs please, Maddy."

"Like hell I will." she snapped.

"You've been appointed as my body guard right?"

"Not you're pack mule."

"Yeah, but if you wake up Iggy and make him walk, we'll all be as good as dead."

She rolled her eyes and grabbed our suitcases. I smiled. "Thank you, Maddy."

I walked past a sign that said BLUE HERON FARM. "Are you sure we should be here?" Maddy said. "This sign say 'private property'. You get lost often. I wouldn't put it past you."

I scowled. "Of course it is. It's the only place high security and secluded enough for us to stay at."

She smirked. "You think too highly of yourself."

"And why did you come to that conclusion?"

"You just- nevermind." She walked pas me and in the front door. When we had finally gotten into our rom, I dropped Iggy on the bed and collapsed next to him.

"I'm so exhausted. I want to sleep."

"Brush your teeth." Maddy commanded.

I groaned. "Iggy's asleep and you suddenly adapt his personality."

"Not his personality, just his responsibilities when it come to you." She laughed.

"Too bad. Go away."

She rolled her eyes. "Ok. Fine. I'm going to go take a shower."

"I'll be asleep when you come out." I answered, sleepily.

I heard her footseps go into the bathroom and I woke up Arthur just enough so that he pull his pants and shirt off. I laughed at the fact that he was too tired to change into his flannel pjs. We finished changing at the same time, me acually in my pjs. He groggily got up and wrapped his arms around my neck, resting all his weight on me. I chuckled and picked him up, placing him in his bed. When he was on the bed, he wouldn't let go of my neck and instead pulled me down onto the bed with him. He was so impulsive and childish when he was sleepy. I collapsed on the bed. I was too tired to get up and go over to the other bed. Besides, I'd like to give Maddy a real bed for a night. Instead, I pulled the covers up over me and Iggy. Feeling like a child, I decided I wanted to act like how it was a long time ago. I snuggled up into Iggy's chest, placing my arms on his chest and he tightened his arms around me. I passed out immediatly, wrapped in Iggy's fragile arms, heat radiating from both of our bodies.

**Can you guys tell this is urning into a USUK? I was wondering why I had so much America and England Hetalia stuff and none of it was USUK.. anyways there will be a Russia and America one coming out soon (collaboration so IDK if it'll be a yaoi considering its my and my collaborato's characters in it so...-_-' awkward...) Anyway since it's New Years, I will be uploading until midnight as a thanks for surviving through the apocolypse. Anyways, now that I'm back from writing that, I realize that the blurb is longer than this portion... anyways you guys'll see the story picking up soon. I'm sorry that i've had this for so long and I have'nt upated yet TT-TT I APOLOGIZE! COMMENT FAV. VOTE I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER AND NEXT TIME, I'LL LET YOU KILL THE ZOMBIES!**

LOL little blurb about how my apoco-fake out went. So the day before all of these schools in my district were threatened (by note) that here were going to be shot out. It was all over Facebook (idk if news or not) but it was a big deal. My friend was even in the class that recieved the note which schools and that there was going to be a shoot out. Somebody broke into the classroom and stole 40 compuers and left the note. So everyone was freaking out and school on Friday was really fun cuz here was noone around. The shootings combined with the last day before winter break and he Mayan apocolypse all combined to be a "noone wants to come to school today." luckily, most of the people who left were all jerky pop. people who talked about telling the special ed kid in class to go kill himself... Yeah.. so anyway it as a very exciting day of not dying. BTW, no schools were shot at, though we did recieve a few zombies that the rest of colorguard and I had to go kill because we're badass and we're the only people who are allowed to have metal poles, sabers, and rifles on campus. (LOL everytime someone new comes into the guard room, I say "welcome to the only weapons allowed on school campus xD). But other than that, my apocolypse was uneventful. Leave comments below telling me how your apocolypse was :D

**MERRY KISSMOOSE AND A HIPPO GNU HELLOWHO! WUVS YA ;D i've decided I've going to do a hetalia chapter everytime there's a holiday as a present. :P enjoy**


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